I received the following text yesterday:

Message by confused alarm clock to dear Human

.

.

.

U get mad when i wake u up & u also get mad when i don’t wake you.. Chahta kya hai bhai tu?

Apart from being terribly annoying and having enough grammatical and semantic errors to drive me mad, it also posed an interesting question. Why does the human behave like that? I sent a reply to the sender:

The human himself is confused dear lady!

As expected, the sender of the said text asked for an explanation. And as expected, it was enough to get me started:

There’s a conflict of interest. The human ‘wants’ to enjoy his sleep and live in the dream world of his. Hence he scolds the alarm clock for waking him up.

On the other hand, the human ‘needs’ to perform his worldly duties which require him to be awake in the morning. Hence the alarm clock gets a scolding for not waking him up.

Furthermore, the human is always frustrated – not getting what he wants, not getting done what needs to be – and the easy way out? Putting the blame on the humble alarm clock!

Needless to say, the sender was pissed off. But she managed to keep a straight face and continued to talk to me… Though not without changing topics on purpose after that!

Food for thought on this chilly December day, eh?

Image courtesy murdelta.

Picture yourself not here. Someplace else. You’re a fugitive, running away with the police hot on your heels. You run, never once looking back. You run, never minding your exhaustion. You run, as if there is no tomorrow.

What can hit you the hardest?

The curious bystander? Naah. He’ll just be as disinterested about you as you are about him.

A stray piece of stone? Naah. When your life and reputation is at stake, you won’t mind a hit to your toe.

The Police? Naah. Will you let them catch you? No, isn’t it?

Then what?

The realization. That the road ahead is a dead end.

Humanity is going through rather tough times these days… With the ever turbulent stock markets, the world threatening to blow up in 2012, and people like a certain KS actually being alive! I wonder what is going to happen to we poor souls in the coming days. Will we survive? Or will we be reduced to being mere slaves in shackles of the evil beings like KS? Given the ways things are progressing now, I seriously dread the latter. Ah fate! Thou art a heartless bitch!

So who is this KS person after all? Well, she is a classmate (rather unfortunately :-/), who has fast-forwarded from being the good, to the bad, to the really ugly over the last few months. She used to be a relatively likable (tolerable?) personality in the beginning. But after what has transpired lately, it is not the case. Not even remotely. Not even once a blue moon.

It all started shortly after the third semester began. SAInT (the student body of USIT) posts were up for grabs in my college. I wasn’t a contestant, but she was. Public opinion about her was still largely positive, and her over ambitious attitude was no more than a cute novelty in a crowd full of geeks and nerds. So what if she had a three-page essay ready for herself that sang praises of her every insignificant achievement spread over all her school and college life? So what if she was knocking doors of every teacher she’d known in college, asking (begging?) for recommendations? So what if she interviewed for her post a second time too, for apparently she wasn’t able to sing enough praises of herself the first time?

Like I said, it was all very cute and adorable at that point to time. Two of my own friends were fellow contestants, but I knew that they didn’t stand a chance… For they hadn’t invested enough time and effort in writing essays. Plus, they lacked the subtle nuances of speech required by unqualified people to secure a job for themselves by emotionally blackmailing the interviewers. (No points for guessing who did, and does that!)

As a result of all the hardwork above mentioned antics of KS, she got selected as the secretary of the Student Council. To my horror, I was actually pleased… Revelling in the fact that MY CLASS had a representation in the upper echelons of the college. And since at that point of time I had hardly started to think ill of her (again, to my absolute horror!), I’d thought that maybe I could help her out in some of her duties… You know, by cooperating in a small way? (I know, you’re about to bang your head somewhere upon reading this… Pray please don’t. I APOLOGIZE for thinking like that!!)

Anyway, it so happened that one of the first tasks of the newly appointed council was to organize a fresher’s party in the campus. Since it was a near-novelty around here, everyone was pretty excited by the proposition. Preparations were in full swing. The entry fee (the measly Rs. 100) was duly deposited by almost everyone. Girls were busy buying polka-dotted dresses and guys were busy trying out shiny suits (the theme was RETRO!). There were going to be performances by the students. Some were going to sing.. Some were going to dance.. But it became clear on the day of the party, that the only performance this KS had prepared for was shrieking and shouting at her own classmates, and threatening to throw them out. Why? Because they were sitting on some chairs. It got really ugly… A fight broke out in which one person was gravely injured and police had to be called in to control the situation. (Okay, I made that up!)

After the fiasco, which shall from now on be known as THE-PARTY-THAT-STARTED-IT-ALL for all eternity, brought about a serious downfall in the approval ratings of the newly appointed secretary. It became common knowledge that the woman loved power and wasn’t afraid to wield it against whosoever. All the cuteness that was earlier associated with her was suddenly gone, and many people started painting her as an incarnation of the Devil inside their heads.

The story becomes curiouser and curiouser from now on. Now that KS was being openly proclaimed as evil, it was rather unimaginable that things could go further downhill. But guess what? They did!

Somewhere around the end of September, another position of power was up for grabs – the post of the Class Representative (CR). Until that point, the CR was selected randomly. A teacher would ask the students, the interested ones would raise their hands, and then he’d chose one. However, the University decided to put an end to this practice and decided to hold elections. Naturally, KS filed her nomination as soon as it was humanly possible. After all, she already held one office… Who could stop her from holding another? And the fact that she’d already served as the unofficial CR for the past one year didn’t hurt her chances either! So yeah, there went her nomination, and she proudly announced the fact in the class… Again, as soon as it was humanly possible. Time and tide wait for none you see! And besides, time saved is time earned, isn’t it?

She was confident enough that no one would dare standing against her, and that she would be elected unanimously. Alas! This was not fated to happen. Ah fate! Thou art a heartless bitch!

Arun Verma, a fellow classmate and a friend of mine, decided to contest the election opposite of KS. He got some initial support from those people who found KS repulsive and wanted a change in CR anyway. They were a minority in class though, and at first, it seemed that KS would be winning the election by a HUGE margin… Considering that most of the class sympathised with their “friend” KS. Even she was pretty confident of winning. At one point of time, she was dead sure that at least 40 votes (out of a class of ~60) were coming her way.

In the early days when the nomination process was open, she wasn’t even aware that Arun was going to be her opponent. The “none would dare” philosophy still applied to her. But as soon as she knew, she started bombarding Arun with calls and what-nots.

Reliable sources (read: Arun Verma) told me that she made no hesitation in suggesting that he should back out from the election. Why? Because she wanted to become the CR, and consequently the SR of USIT. And, by standing in the election, Arun was interfering with her “career”. When polite suggestions did not bear any fruit, she started threatening him with dire consequences (read: him being beaten up by some of her goons).

But Mr. Arun Verma wasn’t deterred by any of this. In fact, he took her threats and intimidation as a political opportunity (a heavy term to use for class elections, but nonetheless!). He spread the news in the class. Discreetly, of course. And the absolute truth, of course. Slowly and steadily the electorate started swinging in Arun’s favor and the result? He won, 32/17!

Now that you’ve read so much about KS the Great, you must have imagined that she didn’t take this defeat sportingly. She took a huge step. The one absolutely unfathomable by a person of KS’s caliber. A step that was as unprecedented as it was unthinkable.

She defriended Arun from facebook, as a means of socially boycotting him. (Of course it didn’t work!)

Just days after election happened, a fake profile of KS was discovered lurking on facebook. The status message read, “I’m depressed.. Main CR ka election haar gayi..” (or something like that. I never saw it with my own eyes.. just hearsay it is). As expected, the blame of creating that fake profile fell on Arun… For apparently, according to her, he had the “motive” of doing so… Because you know, one of the rites of passage of being a CR here in USIT is to create a fake profile of your predecessor and give her as much negative publicity as you can. True Story, Barney Style!

That guy swears that he didn’t do it. And I know him pretty well to ascertain that he’s telling the truth.

So who created the fake profile then? Well the conspiracy theorist in me tells me that maybe it was created by KS herself, so as to gain some sympathy from her ever diminishing supporters. Please note that this is uncharted territory and I’m flying blind here. I cannot claim to verify this… suspicion of mine.

While all that drama was happening in and outside the class, INFOX was fast approaching. In case you don’t know, INFOX is the annual fest of USIT, which is organized by SAInT. Naturally, KS being the secretary was one of the core team members of the organizing committee. Now as you might already have seen, KS is a control freak. Everything that happens must happen according to her whims and fancies… Otherwise it must not happen. God will shit on you face if you disobey KS. Perhaps this was why KS was all too excited about INFOX. Think about the number of people she could order around! Her long overdue dreams of being a princess were finally coming true!! Since she was in the core team, all she would have to do was to sit on a comfy couch and give orders, while all the other people (including classmates) would work like slaves and do her bidding! Ah the dreams! They make you forget everything don’t they?

As expected, KS was one of the most annoying people to work with during INFOX. She tried to claim credit for work not done by her. She threw tantrums when she wasn’t allotted a walkie-talkie. She tried to force her own people as coordinators into the numerous teams that were being formed for so many events. She tried to get into the frame of each picture (which is kinda incredible, if you know what I mean!). An absolute nuisance, if you ask me!

And the way one of our teachers summed that up in one of the classes after the fest? ABSOLUTELY INCREDIBLE!

Since INFOX 2011 is generally regarded as a spectacular success, she assumed the airs of self-importance after it was over. Apparently, attending classes did not matter to her at all, for she was one of the heroes (heroines?) of INFOX and hence, exempt from doing petty things like attending classes. So when she was spotted by the teacher in question lurking around near the canteen when in fact she had a class with him, he decided to get back to her in a way that would annoy her and provide the class some quality entertainment!

That was the first time she was called “The ex-CR” by anyone in the history of her existence. And believe me, things haven’t been the same since. And did I tell you that she was caught cheating in the JAVA Minor-II exam?

Alright, this brings to an end of this blog post, for I have written everything I knew of. If you want to add anything to this, the comment form is nearby!

Disclaimer: No dogs or bitches were harmed while writing this article.

You see… As you might already know… InfoXpression, the techno-cultural fest of my college recently concluded on Sunday. I played a very small part in organizing the whole thing by being the head of an event called “Linux Command Ninja”. This too, you might already know.

What you don’t know is that apart from me, the InfoX team comprised of a large number of people… From event heads to coordinators alike. It also consisted of a core team comprising of a Rahul Pathak, a Manish Dwibedy, and THE Krity Sethi (more on her in a later post!). However, there was one person in this crowd who wasn’t happy with his role in this entire extravaganza. That person, lets call him AB, kept insisting that he was in the core team too!

Excerpts from the various conversations with this guy during InfoX’11:

AB: Oye, ye le refreshment coupon. 
Person 1: Tera kahan hai?
AB: Main toe core team mein hoon!

Person 2: Tzinga de bey!!
AB: Main toe core team mein hoon! Main nai de sakta.

Person 3: Yar mere event mein problem aa rahi hai.
AB: Main toe core team mein hoon! Technical head se baat kar.

(unprovoked) AB: Main toe core team mein hoon! Maine bohot Tzinga peeye.

(unprovoked) AB: Main toe core team mein hoon! Apni t-shirt mujhse le liyo. Coordinators ko nai milegi dhyaan rakhiyo.

Real Core Team Member: Saale tu core team mein kahan se aa gaya?
AB: Main toe core team mein hoon! Terko jo karna hai kar le!!

(unprovoked) AB: Main toe core team mein hoon! Mere paas walky pade hain!

(unprovoked) AB: Prize Distribution mein koi problem ho toe mujhe bataiyo. Main core team mein hoon!

The situation got so bad that most of started avoiding him altogether, lest the core team nonsense started again! One of us poor souls actually had a panic attack when a real core team member told him “Main toe core team mein hoon!” Core Team became the bane of our existence, with no fault of the core team itself. We started wondering why a core team was even there, even though the core team was working tirelessly to make InfoX a success. (One of them got up at four in the morning on the first day and texted all of us to gear up! When asked why, he replied, “I’m passionate about InfoX”. And yes, there is not a hint of sarcasm here!)

Coming back to AB though. Let me tell you what all he was doing all through the fest. He distributed t-shirts. He babysit walkys. People went to him for staplers and A4 sheets. He gave out food coupons and Tzingas. He stalked the real core team members, asking for work to do. He ran around all over the campus trying to find event heads and coordinators who were required at their correct places. In fact, he was “in-charge” of all the menial jobs during InfoX. The peon to the event heads if you please! Apparently, he thought that with this “responsibility” of his, the fake bragging rights of being in the core team came free of cost!

He never realized that all those things that were being said to him during the fest were in fact wrapped in heavy sarcasm!

My heart goes out to you AB. Get well soon!

Disclaimer: Yes yes I’ve made fun of someone here. Live with it! I can be really harsh with humor sometimes. People don’t usually appreciate my jokes but I’m not here to please everyone you see


#!/bin/bash
clear
echo "Welcome to the world of Linux, where geeks manifest and nerds multiply."
echo "And where there's no place for poets who just sit and watch the stars go by."

InfoXpression’11, the annual college fest of USIT, concluded yesterday amongst heavy fanfare. And I’m glad that I could a part of it by being more than just a silent spectator! Those who are wondering about the connection of Linux and that horrendous piece of code (and not to mention, the utter bullshit piece of poetry, if you can call it that) with it, then I must tell you that I headed the organization of one of the technical events in the fest, titled “Linux Command Ninja”.

“You’re a ninja, and you’re on a mission!” That’s what one of the contestants got to hear when he tried to enquire about the event beforehand. He was pissed off, of course. But then again, he managed to emerge as the winner.

Linux Command Ninja was a carefully designed event, that tested a contestant’s detective skills as well as his knowledge of the linux command line. They were given a set of tasks to complete, which resembled an electronic treasure hunt. With clues hidden all over the system, they had to carefully go ahead; keeping their eyes open for the smallest of the leeway, squinting hard to look for the tiniest ray of hope that lingered in the horizon; so that they may collect what was required of them – a password, a private key, and a passphrase.

As soon as I’d taken the responsibility of conducting this event, I’d decided that I won’t be asking any of the run-of-the-mill textbook questions. I wanted something different, something exciting, that could capture the fancy of the intellectual crowd… that could make them want to do this… that could lead them on to a wild goose chase while still keeping them hungry for more! LCN was the result of all that.

What followed was a careful study of The Complete Reference to Linux, the history of Ninjas, and Japanese baby names (yes!) to decide on the tasks that were to be given out. Once a sequence was decided, I spent an entire day implementing the necessary technicals on my own system, and then some more hours installing the necessary files on the college computers. It was boring, and hard work… But I’m glad that on the D-Day, everything worked as expected. A fanboy’s dream, you can say!

Yes! iwannadoitagain!!

One candle for each day of the year… That’s how we celebrate gurpurab around here! We lay siege to the gurudwara… Armed with 365 candles and a couple of matchboxes… And start placing them wherever we can get our hands on..!

The result is magic!

Here are some pictures for you to see. (Please don’t mind my measly phone camera!)

Saying it again… Its pure magic!

I know.. Its a little too early to welcome you to my city. But since you’ve started your arrival in terms of early morning chill and late night frigidity, I might as well be late!

As you might already know, winters, that you are my favorite season. I welcome you with open arms every year and will continue to do so all my life. You are one of God’s greatest gifts to me, and I cherish you with a hearty delight! I eagerly await your arrival from the month of September itself and get disappointed every single day that you fail to appear. I prepare for your arrival very diligently. I schedule all my bouts of common cold and fever for around the time the weather is still changing.. So that I can enjoy your company uninterrupted.

Why do I love you so much? Well this is a tough one to answer. Maybe because I feel better when it is biting cold rather than blistering hot? Maybe because I get to laze around in a rajai all day and not frowned upon? Maybe because the creative juices flow better in me in winters rather than summers? Maybe because I get to walk as much as I want to without caring about sweating too much and having too little to drink? Maybe because there’s nothing better than sitting in the sun on a winter afternoon letting the sun warm you to the core? Maybe because I look forward to taking a stroll on a chilly morning just for the heck of it? Maybe because I like the fog that engulfs the surroundings, making everything and everyone a mystery but to the very last moment? Maybe because I get to eat moongphali, revari, til-ke-laddoo and countless other winter treats? Maybe because I can have as much tea as I want, and that too spiced with ginger, pepper, cardamom and cloves? Maybe because I can take long, hot baths and use the time to reflect on myself? Maybe because somehow, you appear to bring out the individualistic traits in me better than any other season? Plenty of reasons really. I could go on and on…

Once again winters, welcome to my city. I hope we have a great season ahead!

Perhaps this one doesn’t need any more words!

Told ya!

Words fly. They take you to unprecedented destinations… to exotic locations.. with the speed of light; naah.. the speed of thought.

Words make you pensive. Words make you content. Words bring out the best in you, and the worst in you too. Words make it easy, words make it hard. Words make you smile, words make you weep. Words are everything. Words are nothing.

Sometimes I get jealous of Edward Cullen and Sookie Stackhouse. They read minds with apparent ease. They needn’t use words. They just get to know everything without even moving their lips to coerce.. to beset.. to impel. They know the darkest secrets of everyone around, and feel smug about it. They can spill the beans but they choose not to.. keeping an upper hand to themselves. They undermine words.

For us lesser souls, words are everything. We need to utter them to make us understood. We need to get them out.. in all their dubious glory.. to scathe.. to denounce.. to condemn.. if we have to get our way.. Its sad really, in a way.

Why should words be all so important? What good they do when they come out unthinking out of you? Why do they have to have the power to make you suffer.. for when you say them.. and for when you don’t?

Pressing questions!

Time passes quickly when you are with the one you love. You blink and eyelid and lo! An hour has already passed! You take time off from looking into her eyes and glance at that clock that hangs on the wall. Alas! Its time for you to go

And when you meet after spending nearly two months in different cities, 266 kilometers apart, you don’t think that a 5-minute date will suffice, do you?

Well that’s what I thought. But no more. That day we met for five minutes. Exchanged chocolates, had limca, went on a short walk, and there you go… The cutest date ever!

Life is like that. Gives you supreme pleasures in the unlikeliest of situations