Ekta Kapoor’s Kahani Hamaray Mahabharat Ki launched this week, with much fanfare — so much of it that I was actually looking forward to it. Reading Mahabharat has always been my dream, and with a screen adaptation during Prime Time TV was like living in heaven. However, for that the show has to be good. Sadly, this one isn’t.

You get the picture on the very first episode. It starts with Draupadi’s vastraharan (Why? So as to make the serial appeal to the youth. Sex sells, remember?). On top of it, the woman girl playing Draupadi is screaming at the top of her lungs — as if making people deaf is her birthright. And nobody winks she mouths indescent dialouges (Listen to this : “Tum mujhe mere patiyon ke saamne nanga kar rahe ho&quot. C’mon guys, you’re supposed to be filming The Great Indian Epic. You ought to have some sensibilities, isn’t it?

Thirdly, the SFX. When the first episode was in progress, a Twitter user baxiabhishek posted this status : WTF! The sfx in mahabharat are probably done by a group of graphic interns… pathetic quality. The show is so so lame. (Don’t believe me? Check out for yourself). I agree with him. In total!

Meanwhile, after Draupadi’s devil-may-care-about-my-throat screaming while wearing a look-at-my-navel costume, the story starts where it is ought to — Ved Vyasa requesting Lord Ganesha to write the epic while he narrates. Lord Ganesha is played by a strange fat man, in a strange costume altogether (his trunk looks like a giant inflated condom!). He takes an arial route to reach Ved Vyasa, riding his mooshak (rat — his vehicle). While this is obvious, what is not is the fact that he struggles to travel in between the trees in a forest. I mean, if Ganesha is a devta, why culdn’t he take a route above the trees? Why did he travel through the forest, ? Maybe the director wanted to create some unneeded dramatization. This is insane!

 Moving on to characters and costumes. The King of Hastinapur, Shantanu, is played by Kiran Karmarkar (more popularly, Om Aggarwal in a K-Serial). His wife, or rather Goddess Ganga, is played by Sakshi Tanwar (Parvati Aggarwal, in the same K-Serial). While they used to look convincing as a couple in that family drama, they don’t really create the same effect in this one. Sadly, though. Also, the now-infamous Draupadi is played by Anita Hassanandani (have I got the spelling right?), who has a reputation of screaming and crying in all the characters she plays on TV. (Ah… She’s merely kept up that reputation. Hmmm…) The costumes are as bad as they can get. Although they’re designed by Manish Malhotra, still — as bad as they can get.

Till now, all it seems that Kahaani Hamaray Mahabharat Ki is just another K-Serial. If it does run to its full course, I can only imagine what will follow. I can’t imagine the scenes when Lord Krishna gives Gita Updesh to Arjuna. Will justice be done to it? Draupadi’s vastraharan we’ve already seen, so expect that every opportunity will be grabbed vociferously to impart sleaziness in the story. A likely candidate : When the Pandavas undergo their ajnaatvaas, one of them (Arjuna, I think), takes up the role of a bisexual cook. In this serial, I bet he’ll behave like Bobby Darling. Pun intended! Sex sells, remember?

Although one might argue that this version of the epic is adapted to be in sync with the times, still, you are not to forget the basics, right? Let Ms. Ekta know that this is not one of her regular, fictious K-Serial, whose story can be twisted and turned at her will. Extra care needs to be taken while dealing with a literary work of such stature. And you are not allowed to deviate from the script (although it hasn’t happened yet, it can, isn’t it?)

I’m not watching the show anymore. (BR Chopra’s Mahabharat is out on DVD, you know…)